You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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