Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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