bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
