Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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