The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
