Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
