I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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