yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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