Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
