those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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