He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
