I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
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these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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