hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
