Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
