I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
