if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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