he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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