I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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