I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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