hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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