Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
