I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
