Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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