you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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