the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
