Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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