So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
