he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
