You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
