had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
