I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sext me about skeletons
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
