i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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