We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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