i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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