Sry I called you an 8
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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