i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
