Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
