i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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