just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
