The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
