I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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