She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
