I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize