sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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