We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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