You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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