Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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