Im at strip club and am horny
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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