i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
