Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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