His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
