I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
