Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
