i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
