I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
