just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
