It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
