Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
