so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
