Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
