Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
