thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
