Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Never joke about your clitoris.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
