Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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