just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
