Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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