Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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