i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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