And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
