there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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