I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
