My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize