things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
