She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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