Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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