i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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