I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
