It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
