I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
